I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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