Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
