Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
