Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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