where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
