I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
