he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
