I accidentally had phone sex last night
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
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Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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