I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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