Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
