I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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