Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
