Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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