My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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