just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
