If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
