what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The chlamydia really affected his face.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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