i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
