It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
