When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
