Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
