Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
