i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
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Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
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I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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