i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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