Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
