I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
