Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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