It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
