Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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