After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
