party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
There are leaves in my underwear?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize