I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
