Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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