I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
