Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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