I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
