A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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