I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
