i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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