I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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