dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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