based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
