My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
