I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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