Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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