Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
