I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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