Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
