After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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