So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she looked like the before picture.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
