You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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