Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
