Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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