I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
