and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i think im in europe. pls send help
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
