I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
