If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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