Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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