Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
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Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
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I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
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