i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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