i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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