Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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