Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
