i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
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And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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