Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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