when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
a search helicopter?!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
