I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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