It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
