Barsexuality is the new black.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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