haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm really into asian looking animals
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
