Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
