This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
