I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
