i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
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i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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