Im at strip club and am horny
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
