There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
