Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
