i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
