My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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