Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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