apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
