i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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