i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
